In the past year, I have stopped attending church (regularly), stopped keeping a journal, and most of the time stopped believing in maintenance of a close relationship with the Divine. And, I couldn't be happier.
Most days, I continue to believe in the reality of God, but sometimes, I "try on" not believing. On those days, I feel an ache in my heart. Yet, something has shifted in my fundamental belief system. On NPR today, they interviewed a former pastor turned atheist (so interesting!). Listening I realized I'm existing in the both/and place, and I feel free in this place.