"Good night Fiona." The gun is still on the kitchen table, and he pushes it toward me. He knows that I'll be sleeping with it. "If you get into a situation, remember you have trauma. Your instinct will tell you to do too much or too little. Both are bad. Use your head, not this." He points to his heart.
I nod. I know what he means. I've got a slogan for it. "Fuck feelings, trust reason," I say."
I started this blog before facebook as a way to comment on friends' blogs and over the years I've used it for different purposes. To share my reading list, to muse, but now, after 8 years as a single mom to most incredible boy, I've remarried and I thought I'd share our story of becoming the "Waki Family."
4.30.2013
4.14.2013
"Raising Boys without Men" Peggy Drexler
"We live in a culture where we want mothers to do everything and whenever something goes wrong, it's the mother's fault," Mary Becker told the NYT."
"The maverick mother's sons I studied, clearly showed that a boy's morality and masculinity could be cultivated without a live-in father. I found there were no differences in the boys in terms of their conceptions about what they considered fair or their reasoning about moral issues."
"I have come to take a stand against the recent tide of opinion and the rash of books asserting that boys must have a father in the home to in order to to grow to full manhood. Instead, I have found that loving, growth-encouraging parenting is what boys need. A good parent, whether mother or father, will enable a boy to develop to his full potential as a young man, as long as his individuality, his manliness, his courage, and his developing conscience are respectfully and and fully supported."
"The maverick mother's sons I studied, clearly showed that a boy's morality and masculinity could be cultivated without a live-in father. I found there were no differences in the boys in terms of their conceptions about what they considered fair or their reasoning about moral issues."
"I have come to take a stand against the recent tide of opinion and the rash of books asserting that boys must have a father in the home to in order to to grow to full manhood. Instead, I have found that loving, growth-encouraging parenting is what boys need. A good parent, whether mother or father, will enable a boy to develop to his full potential as a young man, as long as his individuality, his manliness, his courage, and his developing conscience are respectfully and and fully supported."
"Listening for Madeleine" Leonard Marcus
Despite sometimes long narratives by friends, it her own words that spoke to me in this book:
"My books are not bad books to die with...What I mean is that when you read a book, if it makes me feel more alive, then it's a good book to die with."
Also, this description: "For most of her adult life, Madeleine L'Engle enjoyed a stage actor's fine powers of recall and too casual pride in the manner of well-read men and women of own and earlier generations, in seasoning her writing and conversation with lines from the immortals."
"My books are not bad books to die with...What I mean is that when you read a book, if it makes me feel more alive, then it's a good book to die with."
Also, this description: "For most of her adult life, Madeleine L'Engle enjoyed a stage actor's fine powers of recall and too casual pride in the manner of well-read men and women of own and earlier generations, in seasoning her writing and conversation with lines from the immortals."
3.17.2013
"The Viper" Hakan Ostlund
"He lived some kind of pretend life steered if not by lies, then at least a stubborn refusal to look life right in the eyes. It was easily done, it was comfortable and human, she knew that, but if you make a habit out of always directing your gaze a little to the side, life starts to become a little fuzzy around the edges. And she didn't want to see him like that, meekly, carving out a shapeless life."
"The Blood Sugar Solution" Mark Hyman
Heard Hyman on the radio & picked up the book. Good reminders:
At a mealtime- "Take 'Five' before a meal...Just take five breaths in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Slowly count to five on each in-breath and again on each out breath...Offer gratitude before the meal...Just offering thanks is a powerful activity that will change your relationship to food...Bring your attention fully to the food."
"After every meal or snack, do the following:
-Write down what you ate in as much detail as possible.
-Think about how this meal or snack made you feel.
-Every evening think about how your experience with food impacted your day"
At a mealtime- "Take 'Five' before a meal...Just take five breaths in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Slowly count to five on each in-breath and again on each out breath...Offer gratitude before the meal...Just offering thanks is a powerful activity that will change your relationship to food...Bring your attention fully to the food."
"After every meal or snack, do the following:
-Write down what you ate in as much detail as possible.
-Think about how this meal or snack made you feel.
-Every evening think about how your experience with food impacted your day"
2.17.2013
"The Keeper of Lost Causes" Jussi Alder-Olsen
"She'd been lying on the floor thinking about books. That was something she often did in order not to think about the life she might have had if only she'd made different choices. When she thought about books, she could move into a whole different world. Just remembering the feeling of the dry surface and inexplicable roughness of the paper could ignite a blaze of yearning inside of her. The scent of evaporated cellulose and printer's ink. Thousands of time now she'd sent her thoughts into her imaginary library and selected the only book in the world that she knew she could recall without embellishing it. It was not the one she wanted to remember, not even the one that had made the greatest impression on her. But it was the only book that had remained completely intact in her tortured memory because of the liberating bursts of laughter she associated with it."
2.16.2013
"Does This Church Make Me Look Fat?" Rhoda Janzen
"People always ask where God is in the midst of suffering. To me it's a strange question. When you go blind, when a neighbor kills your son, when you come down with a spanking case of cancer, God is in exactly the same place where he always is. He's where you put him. The thing about liberum arbitrium, free will, is that God respects our right to choose. Do we want to connect with him, or do we want to live a life without him? We get to pick. If in the midst of suffering, we call on God to sustain us, then that's where God will be. If, on the other hand, we choose to weather life's storms without seeking God's presence, we can do that."
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